zurdo, no sordo

26/10/2017

"But are you left-handed?" This annoyed astonishment has persecuted me throughout my days, leaving a certain discriminatory flavor with which I have had to coexist; but what happened to my "friend" Jeremy if it has no match. He was hard on him!

The beginning of the school year for my father was torture. The first day I had to carry with me and a special desk with a left-hand pallet, which I had to build with a carpenter in the neighborhood, because if my arm did not tire when I wrote; my letter would be a disaster (as it is) and I would not give up in school, said the teacher, although by then, and my luck, had already banished the anti-pedagogic practice of tying behind the waist the sinister hand to be develop the right hand. (Even the language itself secretes us!).

Then came the fingers jammed inside the baseball gloves because they were designed for rights, playing the guitar prescribing that arm, obligatorily, despite crossing you in the rhythm for not using your dominant hand or enduring expressions such as: "I sunk with my foot left "(to denote bad luck) and" the left-handers do not know nor cleanseeee ... "(You understand!)

However, none of this is comparable to the personal tragedy of my "friend" Jeremy. His drama is more serious than any harassment. It is the story of a left-handed snail, severely limited in its mating. Researchers at an English university have wanted to solve the problem. He was born with the spiral of his shell contrary to the hands of the clock, making his genitals are on the opposite side and can not culminate his sexual appetites no matter how much the famous Guachineo is contonee or dance ... and not " with the tip of the foot ... "

Scientists, in the eagerness of Jeremy to prove what he knows "the coquito with mortadella", made a public appeal to find a partner, including an account open on Twitter. Months later two lefty slugs appeared: Lefty, a specimen of the English fauna, and a Spanish one called Tomeu. The tragedy came when both ignored my "friend", to add to misfortunes, and they engaged in copulation between them, giving rise to new skills. Now, they will have to wait for next generations to get him left-handed lover.

Since 1976 is celebrated around the world, August 13, the World Day of the Zurdera, although no one congratulated me or sent gifts, even if they were for right, being me "sinister". In antiquity they considered that we had "the mark of the devil", we were rude, neurotic, rebellious, prone to criminality and alcoholism, nevertheless they tell us to be absolute masters of creativity and imagination. Also, more prone to insomnia. Tell me! I am very worried that Jack the Ripper and Osama Bin Laden "played on my team".

In Brazil, the word "deaf" (so, with that) means "deaf", so I spent a whole year explaining to my classmates that I listened perfectly. I say these things because it is time to start defending, instead of rights, our human left, as Galeano said.